I’ve decided to start a new section within my blog entitled “Dear Datu.” Obviously playing on the idea of writing in one’s diary, I intend to spill out whatever is consuming my mind at that particular moment. 

Each entry will be completely unedited to maintain my thoughts and their authenticity.

I don’t know how long this will go on, but I assume it will be interesting. Or at the very least, a bit therapeutic on my part. 

We shall see. 

…

Thursday – July 13, 2017 (1:11 AM)

It’s times like this I really want to quit. My days are never-ending and there is no allotted time for relaxation within my schedule. I’m exhausted.

Some people say that during these occasions of vulnerability, we can discover some sort of revelation. Call what you will an “ah-ha” moment. Right now it’s feeling more like a “ha-ha” moment if you ask me.

While many college students are enjoying their summer vacation, I’m sitting here trying to get all my weekly assignments done on time. I’m playing a constant game of catch-up.

And yes, books must be shelved, errands need to be run, dinner has to be made, and diapers require changing. I’m juggling between being a student, a part-time worker, a mother, and a wife. Somewhere in that mix, I’m beginning to lose myself.

But what about me? Every time I even consider taking a time out, I quickly claim selfishness and laziness. There is an overwhelming amount of guilt that comes over me.

I am quite aware that self-care is necessary in order to maintain some sort of balance in ones life; however, no matter how many times I remind myself of this, I find excuses that end up prolonging the neglection.

I’m currently carrying a lot of weight on my shoulders, and I’m finding it extremely difficult to breathe. Anxiety is definitely kicking in, and I’m drowning in my emotions.

Deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.