Dear Datu // February 19, 2018

Monday – February 19, 2018 (12:13 PM)

The mom guilt is real right now.

Today is President’s Day, which means it’s a holiday, which means my son doesn’t have school, which means I’m struggling with getting work done, all while being a decent parent.

Mondays are usually spent finishing homework assignments.

Today, I’m dividing my attention between library technology textbooks and my toddler. I’m definitely spreading myself thin.

God bless my son. He’s been quite a sweetheart since he woke up.

We made blueberry pancakes together, and as he settled in front of the television, I had to explain to him (yet again) that “Mommy has to do homework.”

Everest said, “Okay mommy. I love you.”

And just like that, I’m back to my studies. From the kitchen, I witness Everest playing in the living room by himself, surrounded by toys. His imagination runs wild when he’s left alone.

I’m hit with so much mom guilt.

He needs a playmate. There’s no way we can have another baby right now. Why am I even thinking of having another child, when I can’t even focus on the one I have right now?

Thankfully, Everest has been understanding and hasn’t had a meltdown just yet (nap time is around the corner). In fact, he’s been telling me how much of a “big boy” he is, and that he’s “listening to mommy” and “being good.”

How did I get so lucky?

I know that mom guilt is real, and that it is something that will truly never go away. For now, I will just admire the young boy in front of me, and appreciate his empathic nature. I know he’s watching me too.

He’s paying attention to my hard work. He knows my efforts are not wasted. I’m doing this for myself and our family. I’m trying my best to work towards a better future. It will all be worth it.

I just have to find a balance, but even that is a constant work in progress.

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